it doesn't really feel like christmas. there's buckets of drunk snow on the ground. limp tree branches wet and tired. i didn't want christmas anyway. not the same, something different.
how long can i sit and wait?
i was tired of being with you.
now i'm tired of being alone.
i wanted to hide,
now i miss you.
i'm in a house that's not my home.
stranded, but not cold.
safe, but unmotivated.
i thought i wouldn't care but i do.
i thought christmas would be canceled because of the inclement weather. i was anticipating more snow and less travel. how could you have less travel than none?
now mother is ill
she will spend the day in the hospital. the family will be scattered even more.
i dream of the days when holidays meant together, but i think it really only was a dream.
were we ever really together?
to love and be loved...
2 comments:
I think Christmas is disappointing for most people. As we get older we realize that it almost never lives up to the hype in commercials etc. When you are a kid it's exciting to get presents but as you get older you want things more lasting (hopefully at least.) It brings up all the realizations about how imperfect our families and ourselves are. I find that in order to have peace I must focus on Jesus and that gives me hope.
yes! i'm tired of trying to live in the expectations of the past. things are not the same. i don't want to keep doing the same things. i want things to get better. i keep using the word 'things'...
things i want, honesty, love, authenticity. no pressure to measure up to some ideal or follow a norm or tradition. but at the same time i want to make new, meaningful traditions...
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