don't stand so close to me

i'm reading an oddly awesome beautiful strange book called, and i do have a hard time remembering the title, 'extremely loud & incredibly close'
he writes like i want to and there are pictures and blank pages and it feels like the inside of my head at times. which can be a little disconcerting.
but.
i.
kind.
of.
like.
it.
sooooo.... there was a sentence that i stole from it. because this seems to be the theme for the last few years, no, pretty much my whole life. this is what i'm trying to learn...
'you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness'

and as much as i think i'm trying not to protect myself i am still protecting myself with a fierceness that defies all true love and lovingness.

sometimes i feel so on the edge of letting go, but then i don't want to fall apart. i use the excuse that i don't know the right thing to do, but that's just an excuse. so what if i make a mistake, it's not the end of the world, right? it might do me some good! exclamation point taken.

posty mcposterson

gads,
i have nothing to say. it's been like this all day. awkward.
ness.
nothing.
ness.
i guess i'll go back to the pro tools session i was working on.
for now.
so long.