laissez faire

it doesn't really feel like christmas. there's buckets of drunk snow on the ground. limp tree branches wet and tired. i didn't want christmas anyway. not the same, something different.

how long can i sit and wait?
i was tired of being with you.
now i'm tired of being alone.
i wanted to hide,
now i miss you.

i'm in a house that's not my home.
stranded, but not cold.
safe, but unmotivated.

i thought i wouldn't care but i do.

i thought christmas would be canceled because of the inclement weather. i was anticipating more snow and less travel. how could you have less travel than none?

now mother is ill
she will spend the day in the hospital. the family will be scattered even more.

i dream of the days when holidays meant together, but i think it really only was a dream.
were we ever really together?

to love and be loved...

consternation

"hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." --proverbs 13:12