gone

explosive
corrosive
volatile

everything is wrong

nothing fits
too big, too small
can't get it right
it hurts to hold on, i'm oh so broken
ready for the fall, but i can't let go
it's time, oh lord it's time

stop

stop stopping
taking two steps forward
then disappearing

i know you don't know what i mean
and i'm sorry.
and i miss you when you're not around.

and i wish things were oh so different,
but then maybe they'd be worse instead of better

i don't know what to do besides wait
tired.
oh.
so.
tired and scared.

please come find me
and tell me that i'm wrong

that you do care
that you miss me too.
that...

i want to want to forget.
i want to want to stop
but i don't

stop.

troubles

ha!
i caught you
looking
now stay here with me.

time flies whether you're having fun or not...

it's been a while o blog of mine.

i feel like we're strangers now. should i skip the small talk, or do i need to break the ice?

lauryn hill says 'i used to love him, now i don't' and i bet the next day she loved him again.

i don't believe i'm the only one like that. i'm really happy for you, but when's it my turn?

i know i'm not worthy. i'm a paradox. i'm too emotional. i'm not.

i imagine a life. when will i live it?

i'm afraid of you

i'm afraid of what you could do to me

if i let you

i can't stay away

but i want to except for

when i don't

laissez faire

it doesn't really feel like christmas. there's buckets of drunk snow on the ground. limp tree branches wet and tired. i didn't want christmas anyway. not the same, something different.

how long can i sit and wait?
i was tired of being with you.
now i'm tired of being alone.
i wanted to hide,
now i miss you.

i'm in a house that's not my home.
stranded, but not cold.
safe, but unmotivated.

i thought i wouldn't care but i do.

i thought christmas would be canceled because of the inclement weather. i was anticipating more snow and less travel. how could you have less travel than none?

now mother is ill
she will spend the day in the hospital. the family will be scattered even more.

i dream of the days when holidays meant together, but i think it really only was a dream.
were we ever really together?

to love and be loved...