too late

i can't make up for lost blogs...
i've done a lot and seen a lot since last year. i don't know where to start.
we stayed at a sketchy motel in tijuana that would make a good horror film set. i worked on a couple of tv shows and an indie feature film, ndymovie.com
shot some stuff. finishing up my senior thesis film. graduating in september. missing my niece because i never spend time with anyone anymore.
missing camping and rafting and hiking. we have a whole month off school this summer. i'm going to cram in as much outside goodness as i can. come with me!
still a procrastinator. panicking at the last minute.
i finally had to watch pulp fiction - i had to analyze it for 'aesthetics in the digital realm' class. metacinema, neo noir, blah blah blah. it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.
having roommate troubles, always. is it me?
tired of going to church. i'm thinking about trying imago again.
i need to pray. i feel like it's too late. still procrastinating. afraid of losing it. i know i have nothing worth holding onto anyway. why do we love our filth? i just want to be left alone, numb and useless. but not really. i just want to love and be loved. but it's too hard.